Bites of Happiness

What Do you Value in Life?

2011-02-08T09:23:00.004+10:00

It is an interesting question! What are your values? and where did they come from? Have you ever wondered enough to sit down and work out what you really, truly value, and perhaps what your partner or family does? Here's an idea to get you started.

Find somewhere quiet. Get some paper and list your values. Ask yourself “What is most important to me in my…..X?” where X could be:
o Career
o Finances
o Relationships
o Family
o Personal Development
o Health

Then ask, “Given that I have all the values already listed, what else is important to me?” Continue to ask yourself this question until you have a list of 10 to 20 values. Number each value on the left from 1 (the most important) to 10 or 20 or whatever number you came up with.

Now, on the right, number each value in the order you would like them to be. If money is in your list do not put it in the number one position, this can be detrimental as money is gained from motivation to do other things not by its possession alone. For example, if you are considering career and comfort is way up near the top you may want to move it down the list as comfort is not a very motivating value in this context.

Develop a subconscious representation of each value. These will probably be images in your mind (like a picture).

Consider all of these images at the same time (like a slide show). These subconscious images will connect in a line of some kind from the most important to the least important. They may also change in some other way, for example, by going from dark to bright or from dull to vividly coloured.

You can re-arrange your values one-by-one into your preferred order moving and changing the images in your mind.

This is quite a powerful technique and should be used with caution as you can make big changes. Always make sure that you consider any negative aspects to changes you might want to make. It is quite a tricky technique so if in any doubt then seek out the services of a trained NLP practitioner, preferably someone that comes recommended.

Have a wonderful month!

2011 Here We Come!

2011-01-07T09:15:00.004+10:00

Here's to hoping your Christmas and New Year season has been kind and gentle to you. I am still on holidays and enjoying it! Everyone seems to make sweeping resolutions about now, but I am not a fan. I prefer to set goals continually and reassess as well. It prevents the sweeping ones going by the wayside in February!

I was pondering this blog and thought it might be better to talk about ways to tackle your own inner blocks. Sometimes we just know there is something there but can't put our finger on it! So here's some ideas:

1. We almost invariably describe our issues globally rather than as the SPECIFIC EVENTS that underlie them. Thus we tend to say "My problem is that I have great anger and fly off the handle easily" rather than, "When I was 9 my brother pushed me off a cliff" or "When I was 6 my mother slapped me in front of my friends" and so on.
2. If we can find the SPECIFIC EVENTS we can almost certainly collapse them and thus collapse the larger issue that they support. The SPECIFIC EVENTS are the table legs that support the table top (global issue). When the table legs are gone, the table falls.

Here are several guidelines that should help you achieve results for most emotional issues.
- Ask two questions: (1) When did you first notice this symptom? and (2) What emotional issues were happening for you at or before that time?
- One question I like to ask in order to uncover more core issues is, "If you had life to live over again, what person or event would you prefer to skip." This will almost always take you down useful avenues!

Here's a useful method for finding subtle emotional issues that may be causing physical symptoms. Vividly imagine yourself in perfect health (i.e. completely without any symptoms) and then listen internally for the "tail-enders" or "yes buts" that show up as self talk. These tail enders are often clues to the real impediments to healing.

Your way of healing or fixing the underlying core issue when you find it is up to you - I use a combination of EFT, NLP, subconscious techniques, hypnosis, meditation and the like. Here is a list of some useful websites to trawl.

Until the next instalment - happy hunting!!!

Peta

www.petastapleton.com

www.powerofinfluence.com/index.php (Chris Howard)

www.anthonyrobbins.com

www.learnmindpower.com (John Kehoe)

www.eftdownunder.com (EFT - Australia)

www.inspiritive.com.au (Jules and Chris Collingwood)

www.inspiritivelife.com.au (Jules and Chris Collingwood)

www.nlpca.com (Kris and Tim Hallbom)

http://www.steveandreas.com (Steve and Connirae Andreas)

Goal Setting with your Subconscious Mind!

2010-11-01T08:12:00.001+10:00

There is a humorous statement which goes: some people make things happen, some watch things happen, and some wonder what happened.

This brings us to the notion of setting goals in life. A lack of a firm objective is the number one reason for that feeling of uncertainty in life— humans appear to need goals. Regardless of whether we set specific goals or even large ones, we all have plans we follow. Waking up each morning is a goal! Recently a fellow worker was submitting all of his holidays for the year in advance. When asked why he was applying for his holidays a whole year in advance, he replied, “So I have something to look forward to.”

An almost magical way to help you achieve your goals is by using your subconscious. Seeing your goals in your “mind’s eye” is like planting them in your subconscious – and success is assured!

Research suggests that the subconscious constitutes 90% of our ability and the conscious mind only 10%. The subconscious is childlike and non-reasoning—have you ever met someone and instantly liked or disliked them, with no apparent evidence? We have a magnet, which operates 24 hours a day in the back of our mind and does not need logic. Have you ever walked into a shop and something JUMPED out at you? Intuitively? Sometimes if a shop assistant shows you other items to buy, you consciously override the 1st instinct you had. However, it would have been right for you as it was your subconscious which spied it.

The subconscious is very active; it collects information and does not need to know if it is right or wrong. Have you ever had a Eureka moment when you dreamt the answer to a problem or discovered the solution when you were off doing something unrelated? Again, this is your subconscious working for you.

Let’s turn to setting goals in life and tie this in.

As humans, we believe in, and are motivated either toward pleasurable outcomes (everything from a great reward like money, drug use, or relaxation feeling after binge eating), or away from painful outcomes (someone tells us we are fat, or we cannot stand the thought of working 70 hours a week for the rest of our lives). When we set goals we want to achieve in life, we must think about how we are motivated.

Tip 1. Are you motivated by a reward? Or away from a painful outcome?
One of the key things with achieving a goal is remembering to look where you want to go – not where you don’t want to go!! Here’s a common example: many single vehicle car accidents occur between the car and a stationary object (for example, a tree, a pole). What happens is when the driver realises they are in trouble they immediately focus on what they don’t want to hit – and they end up hitting it! This is the opposite of trained drivers such as Formula 1 drivers who respond to a potential accident by looking for an open space.

The same happens when we need to achieve a goal – we need to look where we are going. The power of the subconscious has been documented in many forms – for example, books, tapes, exercises. The purpose here is to give you a strategy rather than focus on how it works. Here is a simple exercise which will prove to you your subconscious is on the alert 24 hours a day: one the way home today, choose a make, model and colour of vehicle- anything will do. Start to think about it consciously. And then start to look around and see how many you can count on the way home. Really look hard – you will find them everywhere! How was it that one the way to work you didn’t notice any? You were not keyed in, that’s all.

Tip 2. Make sure your goal is what you want!
Here are some extra tips to assist the process in achieving your goals: make the decision first. Use visual reminders or pictures of your goals to be achieved- your subconscious notices what is around your house even if you are not paying full attention. Incidentally this can be the very reason some people wonder where all their money goes to – they have all the bills stuck up n the fridge and are being continually and subconsciously reminded of their debt!

Tip 3. Put up visual reminders of your goal (not your bills!)
Write down your goals. A 1950s study of Harvard University graduates queried students about their ambitions in life and whether they wrote it down. 1500 students were interviewed and while 75% discussed their specific ambition in life, only 3.3% wrote it down. You can guess who achieved their goals when a follow-up study was done many years later.

Tip 4. Write it down. The more detail, the better.
Activate your subconscious when you are going to sleep at night and when you are waking up by thinking of your goals as already achieved. Rather than imagining the image on a movie screen, get into the picture and ‘be’ in the movie. This is associating with the feeling and convinces the subconscious it has already happened – and then it will!

Tip 5. Watch the movie in your mind when you go to sleep – get into the movie and enjoy it!
If you need proof – just try it!

Now, what would you do if you weren’t afraid?

Learning to Relax

2010-10-22T14:12:00.001+10:00

By learning to relax, you actually become MORE in control of your life.

Here are some problems other people have mentioned about learning to relax - a bit like myths.

I’m too tense to relax.This is actually using the symptom as an excuse. Have a think about whether there might be other factors that are standing in your way to learning to relax.

I don’t like the feelings of relaxation.Some people feel frightened by the new feelings - it means you are coming into contact with your body and sensations. It is important to remember that YOU have the control here and you can always let a little bit of tension back in!

I feel guilty wasting time.Getting better does take time. Not all the things we teach you are openly active and productive - some things we teach you are more indirect and passive.

I can’t find the place or time.
You need to be adaptive here. Finding 10 minutes is not that hard. You can also relax with other people - you don’t have to do it alone. Again, have a think - are there other factors here which are preventing you from learning to relax? Are you making excuses?

An easy way of finding out whether your relaxation works is to make a note of how stressed you felt before you started, and then after. Here’s a rough scale:

0 25 45 65 85 100

no stress little stress moderate stress extreme stress

What do you feel right now: _________________________________________________

Making your own Relaxation Tape

1. You can either soft instrumental music playing in the background whilst you read these instructions onto a tape or you can just read them and tape somewhere quiet.
2. Set yourself up in a quiet are where you won’t be disturbed. If you don’t like the sound of your own voice, ask someone whose voice is particularly soothing.

The formula for the Total Body Relaxation goes like this:

“Lie or sit comfortably. Start focusing on your breathing. Feel it entering your body. When you breathe out, begin saying to yourself “Relax”. (pause) Breathe in slowly and hold your breath for a second. And exhale slowly through parted lips. Relax. (pause) Relax. (pause) Relax. When you feel some of the tension has left your body, you are ready to begin.
“Start with your left foot. Squeeze it tightly and hold for a second (pause). Don’t forget to keep breathing. As you relax your foot, breathe out and say to yourself “Relax” (pause). Squeeze it tightly again now, hold your breath (pause), and exhale slowly and relax (pause). Relax (pause).

Squeeze your right foot the same way now. Hold it tightly, feel the tension, and exhale slowly and relax. (pause). Now do the same. Squeeze the right foot slowly and hold it for a breath. As you exhale slowly through parted lips, relax your foot and think “Calm, relax” (pause).

No we are going to squeeze both muscles in both feet together. Right and left, squeezing tightly now, holding your breath, and exhale slowly, (pause) relax.

Now move to your calf muscles. Squeeze the left muscle tight. Feel the tension, the tightness. Hold it and (pause) release. Feel the tension sliding away. Each time you squeeze a muscle, feel more and more tension sliding away. Breathing in again, squeeze the left calf muscle again, holding it tightly, holding your breath, and relax (pause). Breathe in and exhale, relax (pause), breath in and exhale, relax (pause). Now both together, holding both calf muscles tightly, feel the tension, hold your breath and squeeze some more (pause), and now relax. Feel the tension sliding out of your calves. Breathing slowly.”

The idea is to work your way through all the body muscles (don’t forget the facial and neck muscles), including a whole body squeeze at the end.

The Formula again:
1. Squeeze each muscle group twice, separately
2. Squeeze left and right muscles together
3. Don’t forget to breathe out and say “relax”
At the end, make a note of how relaxed you feel and compare it to your score before.

What do you feel after the relaxation exercise?:__________________________________

Remember: Embrace what you know to be important. ~ Anonymous

Just Perfect!

2010-10-22T14:07:00.004+10:00

Sometimes it is so hard not to want to do things “just right” all the time, to try and be perfect at everything we do, whether this is a job or the most perfect daughter or son we can be. What type of things in your life do you try and do perfectly? Mine can range from tidying the hosue, to writing a piece, to my unruly curly hair!

One thing I notice at work is that sometimes we can set unrealistic goals in relation to weight and dieting:

• Setting impossible weight goals - I must weigh …. kilograms/pounds
• Setting irrational dieting goals - I will only eat 1 thing today
• Punishing yourself for small mistakes

There can be some disadvantages in setting some goals like this. Here are some ideas:

• Loneliness due to fear of criticism
• A decrease in what you actually DO achieve - because wanting to be perfect might stop you from actually starting things
• Troubled relationships
• Low self esteem

You might feel anxious and depressed about wanting to be perfect all the time - it can certainly be tiring! But you can find ways not to want to please everyone all the time - because no-one actually ever expects you to be like this.

First you need to have a think about any reasons that might stop you changing this behaviour. Here are some common “cop-outs” for not wanting to change being so perfect that other people have said:

• I’ve been doing it for so long now that I can’t change
• I can’t control it. It just takes over
• It’s a habit now
• Once I start, I can’t stop
• I don’t even try. It just happens

What are your own cop-outs?

One of the reasons why some people have such intensive thoughts about wanting to be perfect and achieving 100% all the time, is because of the way they think. There are actually always 2 ways of thinking about things - a positive way and a negative way. The different types of thinking that often come up in people with eating disorders have been outlined by researchers. Here is an overview of some common mistakes we know crop up. Have a think about which ones maybe you fall into. Tick the box if you can identify with these.

Common Mistakes in Thinking

 Overgeneralising
Drawing a general conclusion on the basis of only one incident. If it’s true in one case, it will apply to any case that is remotely similar. Life is rarely that simple!

 Black and White Thinking
Seeing things as being only one extreme or the other, such as telling yourself you must always be perfect, otherwise you are a failure. In the real world there are many shades of grey.

 Who Needs Evidence?
Drawing a conclusion without any real evidence to support it, or in the face of contradictory evidence. For example, saying no lone likes you when you could not possibly have asked everybody you know!

 Looking at the World Through Deep Blue Glasses
Focusing on what is wrong and blowing it up out of all proportion – your mistakes, your failures – and ignoring or belittling anything that’s right (your successes, good times, achievements). Stop distorting the world!

 Imaging the Worst
Assuming the worst possible outcome for any event, usually so exaggerated that it’s really improbable, if not possible.

 Taking Things Personally
Blaming yourself for everything wrong, even when you may only be partly responsible, like blaming only yourself for problems with your family (it’s likely your family DOES contribute to them as well!). Assuming that everyone notices every mistake you make, that you are the centre of everybody’s (disapproving) attention. You will find that people are too busy worrying about they own problems even to notice yours!

In order to help you cope with learning to re-think and to cope with wanting to be perfect is learning some relaxation skills. This can be a scary thing in itself because some people feel that by relaxing, they might be being lazy or not being in control anymore. Learning to relax is covered in the next post!!!!

This week - Count your negative thoughts! Give yourself a goal of collecting 50 negative thoughts! When you catch them, start answering them. Ask yourself:

• Where’s the evidence?
• Am I confusing thought with a fact?
• Am I close enough to the situation to really know what’s happening?
• Am I thinking “all-or-nothing” ?
• Am I assuming all situations are the same?
• What would I think if I didn’t have an eating disorder? What would someone else think?

And finally................Ignoring what others say is an exercise in choice.
Ignoring your inner voice is a recipe for unhappiness.

~ Anonymous

Expanded Awareness

2010-09-28T11:13:00.003+10:00

I thought I might share something I was rmeinded of recently - there is a wonderful NLP techhique called expanded awareness which can help with a range of htings in life. E.g. paying attention at work/school, finding a solution to a problem, or even just to put yourself in a space of feeling good!

By using expanded awareness we can take in more information from the world around us, both in terms in what is observed from a rational conscious state, as well as subjective experience. You can sense more than your 5 senses normally allow.

Also you can induce a state of relaxation or trance in yourself.

There is a very simple technique to learn and practice expanded awareness.

The Technique

1. Pick a single spot above eye level. Perhaps a light fixture, a spot on the wall, the corner where the wall meets the ceiling.
2. Look at this spot with all of your focus. Fully and completely.
3. While looking at this spot with all of your focus, notice what is around the spot.
4. Now, while looking at this spot with all of your focus, expand your vision slowly. As slow as you can comfortably do this. See more and more in the peripheral vision than you do in the central part of your vision (foveal vision).
5. While looking at this spot with complete focus, notice the walls, the floor, the ceiling etc. You should be feeling more relaxed, peaceful and calm than ever before. This is also a state whereby you are unlikely to experience any stress, worry, anger etc.
6. While looking at this spot, get a sense of….what’s behind you? Now you are in expanded awareness.
7. Stay in this state (peripheral vision) for as long as you can. Notice how it feels to be one with everything around you. Surrender to the greater force within you, since the state of surrendering is necessary for you to tap into the power of the Law of Attraction, for example. Notice the joy that begin to infiltrate you as you continue to hold on to the state. Create an anchor for this positive state. Practice doing this faster and faster. Expanding and narrowing again your awareness. It’s OK if you feel a little spaced out. It happens, and this is called self-hypnosis.

p.s.

Anchoring - just as the positive state is about to peak, make a unique gesture with the fingers of one hand as you say a word or phrase to evoke the feeling, while also visualizing an image that represents the state. e.g. clench your left fist as you softly say to yourself ICE COOL...while you picture someone who represents calmness for you e.g. a Buddhist monk. Hold the state for a few moments, release the anchors and then break state (change your emotional state by thinking about something completely different and by changing your posture). Now you must go through this whole procedure about five times in order as to build a resilient NLP anchor. This repetition is crucial. Test the anchors by firing them (make the unique gesture, say the word/phrase, picture the person that represents calmness) and check that you do experience the desired state. You will know that you have successfully anchored the resource when you can access the desired state by firing any one of the component anchors i.e. the visual (picture), auditory (word/phrase) or feeling (gesture) anchor. You ought to feel the anchored state within 10-15 seconds.

Identity & Self Concept in Eating Disorders

2010-08-31T09:30:00.003+10:00

When someone suffers an eating disorder and starts to focus solely on food and dieting and their body shape, often other areas of their life suffer (e.g. relationships, work, school). So much energy goes into avoiding food, maintaining a strict exercise program, or bingeing secretly – that there is little energy left over to make these other areas in life work!

One area of yourself that also suffers is your self-concept – or what you think of yourself. Often this is what keeps the eating disorder (ED) going (the fact that you think negatively of yourself!). On the road to recovery, this is one area which needs to be examined and nurtured. One thing to keep firmly in your mind is that you are not your eating disorder – it is not a core part of your personality. Externalising or imaging the ED as something separate to yourself is an easy way to start the process of recovery - give it a name and an identity and then go to town yelling at it when you need to!

One way to start to get to know who you really are again (without an eating disorder!) is to ask yourself some simple questions. These will get you thinking as to who you are right now.

1. When someone interrupts me I........
2. When someone stares at me I ...........
3. When someone listens to me I
4. With someone who is quiet and shy I
5. With someone who talks a lot I
6. When talking to someone who fidgets a lot I
7. The people I find it easy to speak to are
8. When I run out of things to say I
9. When talking to someone who doesn’t look at me I
10. When I speak in front of a group of people I
11. The people I find it difficult to speak to are
12. When someone doesn’t listen to me I
13. When someone talks about themselves all the time I
14. The way I am dressed probably says
15. When someone gives me a put-down I
16. With someone who is noisy and loud I
17. When someone ignores me I
18. With strangers I
19. When someone keeps on offering me advice I
20. I find it difficult to speak when

Some of what I am talking about is to do with self-esteem. Not thinking much of yourself and believing that you are inferior to others adds to a feeling of low self-esteem. If you start to examine who you really are without an eating disorder, and begin to do things for you instead of your eating disorder, then your will be improving your self esteem. Have a think about:

What does it mean not to have s much self esteem as you would like? What situations/people make you feel less worthwhile?
Think of someone in your life with good self esteem. What are they like? What makes them feel especially worthwhile?
What are the consequences of low self esteem? How does it affect your life?
What are the consequences of high self esteem? Can you have too much self esteem?
What basic characteristics/traits are the basis for good self esteem?
Why do you feel inferior? Are there any advantages to feeling inferior?

What are you good at (mastery?) – or what do other people say you’re good at? What sort of things give you pleasure?

Why is it so hard to accept compliments (if this is a problem for you right now)? Do you give compliments readily? Why or why not?

Use the self esteem bank exercise discussed in a previous blog to start the increase in self esteem process!

Self Esteem Bank!

2010-08-24T12:56:00.002+10:00

When you think about it, self esteem is like a bank balance. If you spend all your money without depositing any, eventually you will have nothing left. It’s the same with self esteem. You have to deposit “good” things into your bank when you feel good, so you can draw on them when you feel low.

So - it makes sense to build a bank of activities designed to increase self esteem over time. The bonus here is that these activities will also improve the quality of your relationships/friendships with others as well as learning to become comfortable with yourself.

Here's the 3 easy steps:

1. sit quietly for 5-10 minutes and think about different things you like doing – have at hand 20 small slips of paper and an envelope/jar.
2. On each slip of paper, write down one thing you like to do now or something you want to do in the future and place each folded slip into the envelope/jar. It is important to think of small things as well as large, things that cost no money compared to more expensive activities, and things that involve others as well as individual activities.
3. The aim of the ideas in the envelope/jar: once a week, take one piece of paper out and commit to doing that activity in the following week. If you take out a major goal that will take time, commit to doing some of the first steps in achieving it. Each time a piece of paper is taken out of the container, you must replace it with another idea you write then and there. This way, the “bank” will never empty. As you move through your week, think about different things you can write down next time you take out a slip of paper.

When Else to Use the Self Esteem Bank

1. Dip into your bank when you are feeling low, depressed etc – take out a slip and force yourself (if need be) to complete the activity. Often it is during the times that we are low that we can’t think of ANYTHING to make ourselves feel better, so having a stock of ideas handy makes the process of feeling better a little easier.

And finally, Remember: You Are Special

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In a room of 200, he asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?” Hands started going up. He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this”. He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up. He then asked, “Who still wants it?” Still the hands were up in the air. “Well,” he replied, “what if I do this?” And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. “Now who still wants it?” Still the hands went into the air.

“My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value: dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives come not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE. You are special - Don't ever forget it.

Food Cravings and Tapping

2010-08-04T14:16:00.004+10:00

I have an appreciation that maybe there is something out there larger than us all, and that in my field, maybe there are therapeutic techniques beyond the realm of standard therapy which actually work.

We have almost come to the end of a successful clinical venture with a university, to test the long lasting effectiveness of 'psychological acupuncture' with food cravings. Termed the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), the strategy is to stimulate pressure points on the face and body while focusing the mind on the issue - food cravings in our case! See http://www.eftuniverse.com/ for the originator's website and many resources/tools.

The tapping process combines a physical (tapping on pressure points in the body) and cognitive (the words they say when focusing their minds on the problem) element and combined these act to reduce anxiety/fear/tension/stress (or any other feeling) associated with the concern (in our case, the food craving). So they more they tap, the LESS the intense feeling is to eat the food (or the associated sensations like mouth watering, smell, texture etc). The desire decreases.

At 6- and 12-months post our study, most of our participants (96 completed the trial) couldn't’t actually remember the craving they had address – giving much evidence to the fact that they didn’t eat/drink it anymore. We only included people with severe cravings (at least daily) so these were significant differences. At 12-months they had lost weight too. The actual scientific abstract and results can be read at www.foodcraving.com.au

How does it work? And is it Distraction?

The notion that people actually have to focus on the actual sensations to do with the food (we actually had them bring the food/drink to the sessions – in vivo exposure) excludes the idea that distraction is at play. If you are actually distracted and trying to NOT think about it, the tapping actually doesn’t work. There appears to be a physical change because of the taping (associated with a decrease in anxiety in the amygdala – part of the brain linked to emotion. It has been suggested that it is activated by food cues (Arana et al., 2003). This part of the brain is also activated with drug and alcohol cravings.

We found that 6 months after an 8 hour treatment program ended, participants´ cravings for the food they targeted remained significantly low and furthermore the power of food had decreased and their restraint increased. These benefits were maintained at 12 months with an added improvement in BMI (Body Mass Index). It was concluded that this technique may be beneficial for people whose food cravings contribute to their weight problems.

You can check out the program now available for purchase at www.foodcraving.com.au
There is also TV footage of the results and participants here (news story).

Where to from here? We are exploring the technique with smoking now. Stay tuned!

Arana, F.S., Parkinson, J.A., Hinton, E., Holland, A.J., Owen, A.M., Roberts, A.C., 2003. Dissociable contributions of the human amygdala and orbitofrontal cortex to incentive motivation and goal selection. J. Neurosci. 23, 9632– 9638.

The Present

2010-07-26T13:19:00.003+10:00

I have been reminded lately by talking with some clients, of staying in the present moment. For highly skilled multi-taskers, this requires a concentrated effort! Spencer Johnson released an easy-to-read parable some years back, simply entitled "The Present". The Present is a story of a young man’s journey to adulthood and his search for The Present, a mysterious and elusive gift he first hears about from a great old man. This Present, according to the old man, is “the best present a person can receive.” I won't ruin the ending for you :-)

Check out Johnson's website: http://www.whomovedmycheese.com/

In line with my clients subconsciously reminding me about staying the present moment, living mindfully and only counting 'the now', I read an article about mini-rests. It resonated with me. Again, it is all too easy to fiddle with sms while at the red traffic lights, read a book or magazine while watching TV, file your nails while having your hair done, talk on the telephone while cooking dinner, and anything else we can do at the same time!

Mini-rests are about living mindfully, staying in the present, and doing NOTHING when we get the opportunity to wait (e.g. in the line at the grocery store, at the red traffic lights).

Give it a go! You might be pleasantly surprised at what you notice around you during these mini-rests.

I know I have.

Extreme Self Care

2010-06-03T18:05:00.002+10:00

It has been a while since I last posted. Sometimes life gets busy :-)

I have thought a lot about my personal mantra lately - probably because I have mentioned it to some people - that of 'extreme self care'. The idea is that sometimes life DOES get busy and we forget to add or deposit to our self esteem 'banks', so when the busy times hit, we can end up depleted. Teaching at university level for 15 years was a huge insight to this and the links to the immune system. If you forget to deposit, when you need to withdraw (e.g. exam time, studying, late nights and poor nutrition), there is nothing to draw upon.

On the other hand, if you deposit regularly (e.g. time for yourself, enjoying events/activities you like, spending time with loved ones, special treats for you..........whatever makes you happy!), then you can draw on this in the busier times or when you are tired (this drawing happens at an emotional/subconscious level), and you can often get through these times. On the other side, you can start depositing again and look back at the trying time as simply that: a trying time. Not the end of the world, or a hugely defining/stressful moment.

With that in mind, I am off to finish some tasks myself (I gain satisfaction from this and relax - depositing!) and curl up with dinner and a funny movie................

Cleaning Out

2010-04-18T11:45:00.005+10:00

We recently moved house - it was a fast decision as we had other plans, one of which was not to move into this new house for a year. But the tenant moved out and effectively moved our cheese! If you have never come across this little gem of a book, it is well worth the 1-2 hour read (easy!) as it sums up so much in many people's lives.

From the official website: Who Moved My Cheese? (Spencer Johnson) is the story of four characters living in a "Maze" who face unexpected change when they discover their "Cheese" has disappeared. Sniff and Scurry, who are mice, and Hem and Haw, little people the size of mice, each adapt to change in their "Maze" differently. In fact, one doesn't adapt at all...
This timeless allegory reveals profound truths to individuals and organizations dealing with change. We each live in a "Maze", a metaphor for the companies or organizations we work with, the communities we live in, the families we love places where we look for the things we want in life, "Cheese". It may be an enjoyable career, loving relationships, wealth, or spiritual peace of mind. With time and experience, one character eventually succeeds and even prospers from the change in his "Maze".In an effort to share what he has learned along the way, he records his personal discoveries on the maze walls, the "Handwriting on the Wall". Likewise, when we begin to see the "writing on the wall", we discover the simplicity and necessity of adapting to change.

see http://www.whomovedmycheese.com

Moving house reminded us of how someone moved our cheese!

I was reminded of how much like a relative I can be (no names mentioned!) as I struggled with going with the flow and remaining open to the experience. Two weeks on, I hope I have reached a better place and it has solely been through and by the use of an amazing technique I have been using for years: EFT (The Emotional Freedom Technique).

Succinctly described as 'psychological acupuncture', this strategy is essentially a relaxation technique and one which works wonders. Because it is totally in your control and you can apply it without the need for an appointment with anyone (once you have learnt it of course), it totally suits a recovered Anorexia sufferer like me!

see http://www.emofree.com/ for the official home centre or our own pages for handouts and information on the clinical trial we have run using EFT for food cravings - but more on that next time!

www.slimminds.com and www.petastapleton.com/research

I have some more boxes to unpack :-)

To weigh or not to weigh?

2010-03-02T13:15:00.003+10:00

A common question in recovering from eating issues is whether to keep weighing yourself to check your progress. This could be that you are trying to lose weight (0verweight/obese), gain weight (Anorexia) or stabilise weight (Bulimia). MY question would be:

Why is a number on the scales so important?

It usually is - we aim towards (away from) a certain 'number' on the scales as a marker of our success, when maybe the focus should be on how we FEEL within our body, or how our clothes are feeling on us.

Facing your beliefs about numbers on the scale is an important first step to deciding how much to weigh yourself. Is it that you are buying into black and white thinking (see http://doctorohad.blogspot.com/2009/10/black-and-white-thinking.html), imaging that a certain number is magical or equals your ultimate dream/goal?

I was the queen of weighing at the height of my Anorexia years: up to 10-15 times a day - often moving the scales from the carpet to a desk/table and standing on the desk to weigh myself, in case the carpet was absorbing or not a true indicator of my weight. I am astounded at this behaviour now that I think about it but can see that it is a common occurrence as all my clients do similar things.

I made the decision part way into my recovery that I needed to give away the scales, grieve them, take the plunge and TRUST that I wouldn't gain an insane amount of weight overnight without them, and get on with my life scale-free. It did work. It was tough but now I have scales back in my life and I might sneak a peak once a month and have been amazed over the years that my weight has stayed the same month in, month out, despite what/when/how much I eat. It is worth a go. Hold on for the ride and breathe easy at the end.

Anxiety and Eating

2010-02-25T13:21:00.003+10:00

I hope your week has been going well! I was pondering the idea of eating issues and concerns being related to anxiety the other day and thought I would put this out there! It seems through my own experience and counselling so many clients, that perhaps eating disorders like Anorexia Nervosa are simply (rather than complex!) a way of coping with anxiety in the body.

Imagine this: you are a 15 year old and there is turmoil going on in your life somewhere (home, school, friends, work) and because you have a bunch of other personality characteristics (like being introspective, quiet, perfectionistic...), you are not sure how to handle the turmoil around you. The 'nerves' in your body or the queasy, sick feeling you carry around in your stomach feels worse when you eat and in order to control this awful feeling, it is easier to stay away from food and hide from the turmoil. The turmoil doesn't need to be something big and large in your life: it might just be that you are not doing as well as you would like at school and this is going around in your head, and your body.

Some people might argue that their eating disorder did not follow any turmoil in their life, but I would argue otherwise. It might have been months, years earlier. Research has long suggested that eating disorder sufferers have a certain set of personality characteristics and I agree. These are the things which make someone vulnerable to succumbing to eating issues. and if not knowing how to cope with anxiety or stress is part of that, it might make the vulnerability stronger.

The fact that for some people, their eating disorder goes on for years might be a continued way of coping with anxiety, or a learned response to life situations (e.g. avoiding high calorie foods because you have for years).

The concept of Anorexia being about control is true in this context: but control of one's own anxiety by controlling everything in life, rather than trying to control life to control eating and weight.

Food for thought! The answer would be to learn better ways to address ANXIETY and the response to these feelings, rather than always focusing on relearning how to eat and be comfortable with weight gain or body shape change.

Moving Forward in Life

2010-02-04T20:03:00.004+10:00

I once had a client ask me how come such awful things had happened to her in her life and how come it seemed to be taking forever to get over it. It had seemed like forever for her - her experiences had happened at least 15 years ago. And she was very concerned it would be another 15 years before she would be 'free'. We tried lots of discussion about the events and some healing techniques based on NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) but we didn't seem to making a huge impact on her emotional state (quite distressed).

I had a thought about where she might be 'storing' her memories about the experiences. We all 'store' things around us, in a spatial sense. We just don't pay attention to them. Just ask someone what they had for lunch a few days ago and watch where they flick their eyes or turn their head to access the memory of that lunch. We do it unconsciously. (for more information on eye movements and memory storage, see a great article by Robert Dilts at http://www.nlpu.com/Articles/artic14.htm).

I asked her to close her eyes and imagine all the distressing experiences from that time in the past together together and be in one big box. She found this ok to do. I then asked her to indicate to me (with a gesture of her hand) where that box might be in the 'space' around her. She immediately waved in front of her face/body and said it was quite large.

We talked then about how most people indicate their future to be 'ahead' of them (in that same space) and we speak about our futures in the same way ("the future looks bright"; "I am looking forward to that in the future").

In this woman's case, her past 'box' of distressing experiences was stored in the same area ahead of her and it was probably true to say that she was subconsciously 'looking' at them on a daily basis, being reminded of their pain, and reliving the experiences. I asked her to close her eyes and try to move the box to somewhere in the space behind her. Most people again refer to their past memories/events in that space ("it's all behind me"; "I have moved on"). She found this ok to do and it did not seem to be a problem so we left the box there, making the future space in front of her clear.

I received a text message later that day from this lady saying that she thought the techniques were working because she felt better. I thanked her and said we would touch base again in a week. When I next saw her, she actually looked lighted, seemed more calm, and by her description, was coping better.

Because this lady had seen me for 5 other sessions and we had engaged in other techniques, it is difficult to say which technique, or combination of them might have actually resulted in such a big shift for her, but certainly the box strategy and moving the position of it in her subconscious view probably helped. This strategy is utilised within a TimeLine approach (see Tad James' article on this technique - http://www.nlpcoaching.com/TLT_Chapter1.pdf) and there was greater description, psychoeducation and technique used with this client than is described here.

Enjoy having a read of these articles!

Peta

Welcome!

2010-02-04T12:51:00.002+10:00

Hi out there. I am hoping that in sharing some ideas with you on a weekly basis, I might add something to your life. The title of this blog is "Bites of Happiness" and focuses on many things. The "Bites" in the title reflects this journey with food. The "Happiness" part of all about the rest of your life.

As a teenager I suffered Anorexia Nervosa for 5 years (long years at the time!) and through a bit of counselling and mainly a lot of self reflection as a Psychologist, I would like to put it out there that I am recovered! It has been 15 years since I last engaged in ANY Anorexic behaviour and since then I have fallen pregnant naturally and had 2 daughters. So as a mum, a therapist, a university academic, an expert in eating disorders and a woman who 'gets' other women with body image issues, I would like to share some secrets with you. My recovery was accelerated through techniques that involved inner healing, which mainly targeted the subconscious.

I am a very evidence-based clinican and am classically trained in strategies such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Interpersonal Therapy, and I use those strategies with every client I see. But the addition of other subconscious techniques seems to make a difference to complete recovery - at least in the area of body issues, disordered eating and just plain weight problems. So I would love anyone out there to write in with some questions (about me or otherwise) and I will have a go at answering. I will also post weekly on various topics which seem to be common issues in eating disorders and finding happiness in life.In the meantime, have a wonderful week and enjoy the sunshine wherever you are.

Peta